It's Christmas, The Happiest Time Of The Year...So Why Can't I Stop Crying?

We've all heard it said often that Christmas can be one of the saddest times of the year for people for a variety of reasons. For some, it is a reminder of a death of someone very close to them. For others, it is simply a lonely holiday. Sometimes it's depressing to be a family with kids and know that neither you nor Santa will be able to give your kids anything from their wish list. It's cold, it gets dark early and there are a lot of illnesses going around. We are stretched about as much as we can be stretched under "normal" circumstances, but then add something like the New Life Church shootings and this can put some people just over the edge into an almost depression-like state. And all the while our kiddos and society in general wants and needs to see us with happy and jolly faces. Sorry, but that's yet another pressure.



In each and every one of our individual lives, there is such a variety of painful, difficult or just overwhelming events and emotions swirling around in our lives and heads during the time of year when we genuinely want to feel festive, joyful, grateful and happy. Why is that? Even if we can blink the tears out of our eyes in order to be happy while we decortate trees and cookies and buy gifts and send out cards, we can't blink away the pain our hearts and souls are feeling.



After the New Life Church shootings, all I have been thinking about is what it all means and what the deeper messages and truths are that we can take from it. I don't have any poetic answers, but all I can think is that without pain, we cannot fully appreciate our joy. Without suffering, we cannot fully feel the gratitude when things are good or OK. When we separated from one another, it is only then that we are reminded of what a sacred gift it is to have moments when we are all safe and together. These gifts of wisdom, of being able look past the horror and pain in order to see and be reminded of the things we are most grateful for is what this season is more and more becoming about for me.



This is an extraordinarily painful time of year for a lot of people. If you know of someone like this in your life, reach out to them, knowing that you don't have to fix them or their life, but simply be open arms during this time of year, arms that say,"I care about you....let's just be together right now." You can't imagine what kind of an impact just this tiny gesture might make on them.



These are joyous times, as they are sorrowful times. But when we stop and remember the true origin of this holiday, it was also a time of sorrow and joy. And like I always like to say to my daughter, "If you believe, it'll be all right in the end."


Emily said she wants to make the biggest and most beautiful birthday cake for Jesus this year. Suddenly, everything was right in the world.



So, blessings, love, peace, and joy I wish to all of you. Embrace your sorrowful moments as much as your happy ones, for they will give you the full depth of what this holiday is truly about. Love with all your heart, soul and mind and do not let the distractions of the world take one ounce of light away from illuminating your true inner beauty and inner being. It's all about love. Pure and simple.



Merry Christmas everyone. Thank you for keeping the garden in my soul alive and colorful. Oh, and one last thing...whoever it was who shoveled my entire walk way along the entire front of my house, I cannot thank you enough for doing that. I had not one drop of energy left that day and to drive up and see that was done was like seeing a little Christmas miracle happen in my life. Thank you so much.


Dianne


P.S. Listen to music that makes your heart sing!!!

Best Life Lessons Come
Right Out Of Garden

I tell people that my favorite place to be is "The Garden" and I put those words in
quotes and in capital letters for a reason. You see, I have many gardens, but my
two biggest ones are my actual outside gardens and my mental garden that is
"my heart and soul garden." What I have found over the years is that the ways
in which I take care of my outside gardens are also the ways I need to take care
of my inner ones.

 I have said that one day I will write a book called
 Everything I Ever Learned I Learned From My Garden
 because truly, the garden is where I have come to understand
 so many profound, beautiful, sometimes painful, and important
 lessons about Life. The Garden is like a mini-planet, and for
 those who tend a garden, you are that mini-planet's creator.
 It is a honor and a responsibility to be able to plant beautiful
 things into the soil and watch them grow. But as all good gardeners know, 

gardens take lots of work and daily maintenance. When it's right, it's oh-so- beautiful. But sometimes
things go wrong, and when they do, gardeners sometimes have to learn things the hard way.
Plants can be so fragile- not enough or too much water, too much or not enough sun, bugs that kill, or damaging weather can put even the most seasoned of gardeners to the test. Often, some plants
do too well, so well that they want to dominate all the others around them. When this happens,
the gardener sometimes has to make tough choices, like removing part of the overbearing plant,
essentially destroying something beautiful, something that is living and thriving in order to let others
have a chance at life, a decision that can be a difficult and painful one.

Being in the garden is where I do some of my best thinking, and every time I'm there, I can't help
but see all the parallels between the garden and gardening and being a human and living in this
world. So first, imagine yourself and your life as being a kind of garden. Look around you and
what do you see? Are there others around you, friends and family, who enjoy sharing the same
soil with you providing their own unique spot of color to the overall landscape? If so, that's a good
and healthy garden. Perhaps you see yourself as one of those shadowed flowers that has become
eclipsed by a monster plant (person) who does not know how to scale back and let other around
them shine. If so, it may be time for you to replant yourself in more fertile and welcoming ground
 where you can shine with others and the sun can also shine on you. Perhaps when you look around
you don't see a lot of color or flowers or much of anything at all, as if you were scattered onto a dessert somewhere. If this is the case, perhaps you have lost your way and just need to find you way back
to where your other garden-mates are.

Flowers in a garden represent our thoughts, ideas, relationships, dreams, wishes, hopes and goals.
It is just human nature to want to see all our "flowers" in our gardens at once, but sometimes we
think we only have one garden and everything we want has to get planted in this one garden or we
will never get to see it. I have come to realize that throughout our lives, we are given plenty of gardens
to tend if we want them. We can have as many gardens as we want. We can have really big ones,
small ones, but either way, there is room for every thought, every idea, every relationship, every
dream in your life ... but all in good time. Not all flowers flourish at the same time, so why would
all dreams, ideas, hopes and goals be any different? The trick to gardening is to know how to plant
things so that there is color all year long. The trick to life is just the same, which is to spread out
your dreams, your hopes, your goals, wishes and ideas that will provide your life with color that lasts
a lifetime.

To me, there is nothing more beautiful than a garden, or a life, that was planned with great thought,
followed by consistent love, nurturing and care, and most importantly, regular evaluations and the
ability to make changes along the way, no matter how painful they might seem at the time. Ask
any gardener and what they will almost always tell you is how much they love what they do, even
though it takes a lot of work, work which most people never see them do.


This, I believe, is the case for most people who live rich, healthy and colorful lives, for as the gardeners of their life, they are working hard behind the scenes in ways most people never get to see. Only the beauty of their garden is what people notice. A beautiful garden is something most people just can't help but stop and admire. So the next time someone pays you a compliment about you or something about your life, consider yourself, your "Garden" stopped at and admired.

__________________________________________________________________________

Five Dollar Flowers That Never Die

Ten years ago, I had my very first garage sale. I had just begun to "seriously" oil
paint and one of the items I was selling was one of my first painting rejects. I was
selling it with the thought that someone could salvage the expensive canvas and
 cover it with gesso and repaint it with something worthy of actually framing and
hanging in a home or an office.


Two hours into the sale and only ten dollars richer, a woman with her 2-year-old
son in a stroller passed by our sale and stopped when she saw the painting. She
approached me, picked up the painting and asked me how much I wanted for it.
I said "How does $5.00 sound?" She gasped and said she couldn't believe she was
getting such a deal on an obvious original oil painting. I told her I wasn't really selling
it for the artwork, but rather the canvass. Then she asked "Do you know who painted
this?" Slightly embarrassed, I said "Umm, well, I did." She was blown away and insisted
that I sign the painting. As I stumbled around looking for a brush and some oil paint,
she told me that her son had a rare form of blood cancer and that she and her son
would soon be moving to Canada where hopefully he could receive medical treatment
that was not available here in the U.S. There was so much sadness in her voice, but
she worked hard to keep a brave smile on her face.


Happy to see my signature on the painting of the flowers, she gave me $5.00, held
the painting up in the air, squinted her eyes and tilted her head one way, then the
other, as if she were already at home, eyeballing the wall and where to hammer
the nail, and said to me "This painting just makes me so happy. I will hang it in my
kitchen where I can see it often." I told her it was my honor to sell her my very
first painting. We exchanged telephone numbers and I asked her to keep in touch
with me and let me know about her son, Alex. I watched her walk away, I wondered
if I'd ever hear from her again. I didn't ...until last week.


It was just like any other day. I had come in from a day at work and was checking
voice messages. As the message began I didn't recognize the voice. Even as she
began to talk, still I could not place her voice. It wasn't until she said her son's
name that I realized it was her. Here's what she had to say:

"Hi, Dianne. You may not remember me, but I am the lady that bought your painting
 of the flowers. I was looking at it today and thinking of you and just thought I
would pick up the phone and call you. I was relieved to get your answering machine
message and the confirmation that you had kept this number you gave me. Alex
fought hard, Dianne. He truly did. He died three years ago. I'm doing OK. I really
am. I often wonder where life has taken you, where you are, what you're doing.
I wanted you to know that after all these years, I still have your beautiful painting
of the flowers. I look at it every day, and after all this time, it still makes me so
very happy. You don't have to call me back. I just wanted to say "thank you"
for bringing happiness into my life daily. You'll never know how much your flowers
have meant to me."

My mom once told me that she plants flowers not just for herself, but for others
who pass by her home so that they, too, may enjoy their beauty.

This story is for Alex.

_________________________________________________________________________

Humanity Is A Blanket and We Are
The Threads

We are living at a time when we are re-learning and re-trusting in our abilities to
connect with one another. I like to refer to these connections as "threads" that
bond us together and remind us that each one of us provides an important and
also beautiful part of something much larger than ourselves. We yearn to see
"threads" of self-recognition in others, just as we hope others will recognize
something of them in what we say or do. We want so badly to reach out, to find
people "like us" in the world, but we've all earned somewhere along the way to
be afraid of outreaching, or we are too busy, or we are just worried someone will
cut our little thread in half and pull us out from where we belong. So we say nothing...
we do nothing.

Here's what I've learned. With each outreach we make in thought, deed, or any
kind of expression, there are hundreds,...thousands of threads around us that will
 only pull together more tightly if there is any threat aimed at us that might tear us
away from the "blanket"...from where we belong. That "pulling" is what makes the
threads which make up this blanket of "who we are" even STRONGER.

So...imagine yourself as a vibrantly-colored thread in a multi-colored, knitted blanket.
You were woven there with great intention. You are also part of a delicate collaboration
of threads that make up this elaborately designed blanket, and when even one thread
begins to unravel, all the threads come to the rescue, for they know if one thread
unravels, eventually so will the entire blanket. It is in the blanket's best interest to keep
each and every thread intact. Each one of us is a single, beautiful thread that makes up
this blanket of humanity that covers the Earth. Sometimes large amounts of the blanket
are damaged, leaving gaping holes that need repair. We have seen a lot of damage lately
to our blanket, and seeing this is what makes us feel emotions of sadness, anger or
frustration. Thankfully, we are also capable of re-threading ourselves into places where
repair is needed...and the way we do this is by reaching out, communicating, speaking
to others, giving to others, having the courage to stretch ourselves just a little more
to cover an empty space in our blanket of humanity.

I know this all may sound just way too cliché, but all it takes is a small step forward to
begin the re-weaving process. Others will join you as you peek your head up and
let your presence be known. It only takes one small step to begin a giant momentum
of change and progress. What makes a blanket strong is the strength of its individual
threads, each supporting one other and forming a solid foundation. We are the threads
of the human race right now, and we can, one thread at a time, rebuild our blanket
to its glorious state of perfection and harmony.

______________________________________________________________________ 

Mind and Body: The Interview


Did you know you are fighting an internal war every single day? The war is between your Mind and your Body. Mind wants something very different from what Body needs. It's rare that Mind and Body get their wants and needs met equally, and this is what creates the "war" between the two. However, there is a great irony here, and that is neither Mind nor Body can exist without the other.

The Mind does not understand the Body's physical limitations, and the Body does not understand why Mind is so disconnected from Body's needs. Mind is deeply connected to soul and Body is deeply connected to Earth. With that, I give you an interview with both Mind and Body.

Interviewer: Hello Mind.Hello, Body.

Mind: Hello.

Body: Hello.

Interviewer: I'd like for you both to tell us a little bit about your relationship. Who would like to begin?

Mind: I would like to say how trapped I feel in this relationship with Body. It seems as though Body is just so weak and because of this, I am slowed down, something that is very frustrating for me to accept.

Body: Well, I'd just like to say in response to Mind that I do the best that I can do, but Mind pushes me so hard, too hard most of the time. Mind rarely gives me time to rest and refuel, which is all that I ask for. Sometimes in order to get Mind's attention, I have to shut down completely by giving in to colds, viruses, fatigue, and disease, which I really hate to do, but this is the only defense I have against Mind's relentless schedule. I know when I do this, Mind gets very upset, but this is all I can do to in order to get my needs met.

Mind: Yes, this is, indeed, a difficult partnership. It's very hard for me to understand why Body does what it does. When Body shuts down, I feel like it's giving me an ultimatum. There's nothing I can do but stop and pay attention to whatever it is that Body needs, like rest, food, medicine, things that I just don't understand, but apparently it's what Body needs.

Body: I give Mind all that I have, but I have to stop to eat, I have to sleep, I have to take care of the physical needs I have, all of which Mind does not understand. I know that Mind hates to stop, especially when it is because it is time to take care of me. I wish I could feel more important to Mind.

Mind: I try to respect Body, I really do, but it is so hard for me to slow to Body's rate of speed. I just don't understand Body, just as Body doesn't understand mine. I only understand the mental world. Body understands the physical world, a world that is totally foreign to me. This is what makes our relationship very difficult. I guess you could say we are total opposites. However, unlike traditional relationships, we HAVE to make ours work. We don't have any other choice.

Body: I do my best to keep up with the pace of Mind, but while Mind may not realize it, I am fragile, prone to illness, easily tired. I age, Mind does not. All I ask from Mind is that we stop for a few minutes throughout the day and let me rest. I know that my weaknesses frustrate Mind, but what Mind doesn't know is that my weaknesses also frustrate me. I want Mind to be happy and proud of me. I can only be as strong as Mind allows me to be in order for Mind to have its voice.

Mind: It's hard to stop doing what I do for Body, but I know without Body, I don't exist. So I try hard to put my thinking on hold long enough for Body to regain its strength so when it's ready, we can be the best team possible. I wish there was more I could do for Body, but I know the best I can do for Body is to give the attention it needs for Body to focus on its needs.

Body: I love Mind so much. I wish I could do more to keep up with Mind. I want to be the best channel for the voice of Mind. I wish I were stronger.


Mind: I love Body so much. I wish I could do more to take care of Body. I want to be the best voice I can for not just me, but for Body as well. I love Body so much. I wish I could do more to take care of Body. I want to be the best voice I can for not just me, but for Body as well.



_________________________________________________________________


Thanksgiving's Aftermath - The Sweaty Heap

Sweaty Heap: And No, It's Not Mashed Potatoes

For most people to whom I say these two words as my way of describing my
Thanksgiving memories, I usually get one of two reactions: one of total disgust and recoil or a complete topic change. I'm really not even sure how this phrase originally came into my family's existence, but it simply refers to what happens right after all the family has partaken in our gluttonous Thanksgiving feast. The sweaty heap usually takes place in the living room or in the den with a television on tuned into some football game, but with the volume so low it's practically mute.

It starts with one person meandering out from the kitchen and spying the perfect sofa to stretch out on. Someone invariably joins them, so the first person on that sofa has to make room by adjusting and sitting slightly ajar. One by one, all the satisfied eaters are drawn together into this room, looking for any spot they can find, and pretty soon those who were just minutes ago so prim and properly sitting at the dinner table now look like a family of cats dangling their paws. A few doze off, but the rest who manage to resist Turkey's powerful tryptophan begin to engage in relaxed, conversation that is always funny, casual, loving and real. Of course, there was never all tenough room in this one room for everyone, so many times people have to sit on others' laps, and I think this is how "sweaty heap" was born.

In my family, it's really not so much about the food but about the sweaty heap that was to follow. This is our tradition. We all stay in this room for hours, with family members going back and forth into the kitchen for more morsels of more turkey, maybe some more pie, or some of my mom's world-famous stuffing with gravy. I can truly say that out of he 365 days of the year, this is the day that most of our communication and connection happen between us, for there is nothing else to think about after the meal except each other. I have memories of listening to conversations that made me laugh so hard I might cough up a turkey bone. I love this holiday because there are no presents, no costumes, no Easter baskets to fill...just a coming-togetherness that is surrounded by the preparation of a meal, eating the meal, and then finally soaking in the essence of each other that cannot be done to this degree any other day of the year.

When I think of Thanksgiving, my sense of smell takes over, and the smell I recall as a child is onions, butter and celery cooking in chicken broth over a simmering heat. One year I was upset that I could not have my own Thanksgiving meal in my own home (both of our family's live in town) that I woke up at 6 a.m. and sliced and diced onions, celery and put it all in chicken broth and butter just so my kids could wake up to that smell. I know that's silly, but for me, this is the quintessential smell that signals Thanksgiving has arrived, and I wanted so much for my children to experience that too, even if the main ingredient was missing.

This year, I look forward to our sweaty heaps and the joy and just plain simplicity of all my family sitting together in a room talking and sharing ideas that have been building for a year. We will talk, obviously, about all that we are grateful for, but peppered throughout these conversations will be dialogue that is filled with laughter, as well as some tears, as we reflect on those who are not here with us. We don't strive for "the perfect Thanksgiving", but rather the "Thanksgiving that is perfect for us." Who knows, maybe this year people will bring their own portable chairs.

Naaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Do We Pass on a Torch or a Text Message?

It has been a rite of passage done for centuries, the proverbial passing of the torch that each generation does to the next, keeping traditions, beliefs, legends and legacies alive.

As we approach the end of this decade, however, I believe there will be some startling changes in this ancient tradition. There are many young people today, especially those who came into existence just before the new millennium, who seem to be truly gifted, special, and almost like a chosen group of people. These people, whether they realize it or not, are our future, and while they may want to take a lot of our long and beloved traditions with them, they simply may not be able to in order to, shall I say, "travel lightly" while they forge our new roads, roads that they must first go down in order to keep humans surviving not just into the next decade, or century, but into the next millennium.

If we are truthful with ourselves, we can feel that we are not living in ordinary times. When we look to the past during times like the Civil War and other times of human turbulence, we want to believe that those people felt like we do now. But in our hearts, we know they didn't, for we are living through a time that is uniquely ours, just like they were living through a time that was uniquely theirs.

The youth of our generation, the millennials, the gen 'y"ers, the thumbers, whatever you wish to call them, move so fast, but not because they want to, because they have to. This is our legacy, our gift, to them: speed...speed of information, speed of communication, speed of technology. So the instant these souls are born, they sense this speed and they know what they must do to adapt: catch up and stay ahead. They catch up and stay ahead by thinking differently, staying open to the future and to new ideas, moving with the current instead of struggling against it .


They know how to interact and communicate with one another more efficiently than humans have ever done before. They also sense their great skills and thus their great purpose for being here. They have ideas that they don't just think about, they act upon, and they do all of this while moving at the speed of light. They move, think, hear, see and feel things almost at a new level of vibration, a vibration and current that is so fast, so high, so quick, they're practically in another dimension.

So when I think about our older generations wanting to pass on the torch to our youth, a nostalgic sadness washes over me, for I know how good it feels to pass along knowledge you've worked your whole life to earn to someone you love, and how much it hurts when you realize they already know it, or they just don't need it. If at the end of this decade we are able to pass along the torch to our youth, it will only be because they had the compassion to slow down, take the torch from our aging hands, and say "thank you" for at least paving the way to get them to where they are today.

I've heard it said that there are no more pioneers because there is no more land to explore. Well, let me tell you this, I believe we are living at a time when we will see the very first of a new kind of pioneer... human pioneers of energy, time, space and thought. We have, until now, been three-dimensional thinkers, and land has kept us oh-so grounded...too grounded. The youth of today will teach US how to shatter our own limitations on our ideas, thoughts and possibilities. Their minds are the open and unexplored plains, rich with ideas that only need a little cultivating before their true value can be seen and actualized. So please think twice before you are so irritated with those who are text messaging each other all day long, for they are those human pioneers who are readying their minds for mighty challenges that lie ahead for them, challenges that they must overcome and conquer for the sake of all of humanity.

The passing of the torch is really just a metaphor for passing on knowledge and truths. The truth is our world entered into a new era twice in seven years: in the year 2000 (the new millennium) and on September 11, 2001. We have reacted to each one differently, but it is clear to me that something in all of us changed in 2001 and hasn't stopped since. This article isn't about 9/11. This article isn't about gen "y"ers. This article is about and for all of "us", "We, The People." Things have changed permanently, and yes, change is hard. But we have to get over that in order to move forward, adapt and grow. Our future is in the hands of our youth. Period, end of story.


The way they are talking to each other is how we need to be talking to them. They don't care how we used to do things, or if that's just the way something has always been done. They are in the here, the now, AND the tomorrow... a here, a now, a tomorrow that we gave to them. So it's up to us to also be in the here and the now by talking to them, trusting them, listening to what they have to say and believing that they will hear what we have to say, too.


We don't have to say, "We're all going down on this ship together," but rather, "There's plenty of room for all of us on this boat!" And folks, I can guarantee you that this boat will take us all on the journey of a lifetime.